When I was much younger, I got made fun of...a LOT. I was the girl that got bullied on the playground, the one who was always picked last, the one who was invited to the party as a joke, the one who never had a homecoming date, who never really fit in.....I was the girl that who was constantly reminded that there was always something wrong with her. The girl who would never be good enough, kind enough, beautiful enough, or smart enough.
And I believed it. All of it. Because how could the entire world possibly be wrong about how unacceptable and inferior I was? I learned that the easiest way to cope with others is to never take yourself seriously, never put your wants and needs before anyone else's, never expect to actually get what you want, and to always, ALWAYS make the joke about yourself before anyone else got the chance.
All in all, it's worked pretty well for 30 years. I have a great career, lots of relationships, wonderful friends and family, a beautiful home, and a pretty good life. But I've never been able to bring myself to accept who I really am, to embrace all the tiny idiosyncrasies that make me so unique. Deep down, I don't think I've ever loved myself because lots of times I don't even like myself. I've never taken a look at myself in the mirror and said "You are fantastic, no matter what anyone else says."
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I have a very dear friend who I have always thought was a little too critical of herself. It makes me sad, because I think she's fantastic. She is funny, and bubbly, and just being around her makes me happy. But no matter how great I think she is, she is still her worse critic. And I find myself constantly reminding her that it's okay to not be perfect, and it's okay to make mistakes, and it's okay to just be herself because she's great! And the whole time I'm giving her this advice, I never once listen to it for myself.
The other day, I stumbled across a video on Upworthy. It's called "Write a Love Letter To Yourself," and it kind of blew my mind. At first, I only thought about my friend and how inspirational it would be for her.
And then I realized, that it also applies to me.
And to you.
And to my family, and friends, and coworkers, and strangers on the street.
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Another thing I've always struggled with is love songs.
I.HATE.LOVE.SONGS.
Why? Because they are never about me, they are never written for me, they are never sung to me, they are never dedicated to me.... My entire life, love songs have served as a reminder that there are girls out there worthy of such a song...and I am not one of them. I know that I can't be alone in this. I know that there have to be other women out there nodding in agreement as they read this and thinking "just once, why can't the song be about us"?
Today I was listening to one of my favorite songs by Bruno Mars, and I thought back to the Love Letter video, and I had an epiphany. If the people at SoulPancake can write love letters to themselves, then why can't I dedicate a song to myself?
These are two of the songs that have touched me the most deeply over the past few months, and I am dedicating them to myself! I hope that if I hear them enough that someday I might believe the words "you are perfect, just the way you are." And I hope that my friend can believe those words too!
