(Te he he...did you catch my nice little play on words there? It's the small things in life that make me happy:)
How does the Nicotine-Craving Monster live without cigarettes? Well, lemme tell ya, it SUCKS. My husband, Paul, is quitting too. For the record, it is never advisable for someone to quit smoking when their spouse has pneumonia!!!!!
He is horrendously cranky this week, and I'm horribly sick. Combined, this translates to: (1) I ask for something, (2) he snaps at me, (3) I get pissed! (Or vice versa) The next thing I know we are approaching World War III, and a coughing fit hits me. I can't tell you how many times I've found myself curled up in the fetal position, stripped of the opportunity to give Paul the "telling off" of the century! We've gotten upset about things so trivial I can't even remember what they are.
Is Paul a horrible person? Nope. Am I the whiniest sick person on the planet right now? Nope. Will you be able to convince either of us that is actually true for at least 2 more weeks? ABSOLUTELY NOT!
I have alot of these coughing fits. Curling up in the fetal position really is the best way to ride them out. Sometimes they last for 5 minutes or more. And every single time one ends I think "Wow, that was AWFUL. I want a cigarette!!!!!". There ya go, people. The great thought processes of a Nicotine-Craving Monster! Obviously, I'm not giving in to the craving. I have no desire to end up in the hospital.
By the way, it's New Year's Eve! Wishing everyone a wonderful, prosperous, and blessed 2012! (I'm going to go cough and feel sorry for myself some more;)
Saturday, December 31, 2011
The LOVE of the Nicotine-Craving Monster
The decision to quit smoking is difficult, but why?
Common sense tells us that smoking is bad. Smokers are surrounded by influences that tell us daily that we should quit. We hear it constantly from friends, family, coworkers, people on the street, random strangers (who think we genuinely care what they have to say), mainstream media, etc. But we rarely listen. Why?
Because people who love to smoke literally LOVE to smoke. I wish every day that smoking wasn't bad, because I enjoy it so much. Do I stink? Sure. Does it ruin my teeth, skin, and nails? Yep! Do I get that scratchy smokers voice? Absolutely! Deep down, do I care? NOPE.
Being a smoker opens up social outlets that are closed to non-smokers. We get together at bars to unwind and have a drink. We shoot pool and talk strategy in between long, luxurious puffs. We escape together periodically throughout the day to complain about work, talk about our lives, or just mellow out and enjoy the moment. Some of the best relationships I've ever made were forged around the smoky embers of an ashtray.
Those of you who are non-smokers cannot possibly begin to imagine why we smoke and why, when you all begin to rant and rave and rag on us about how stupid we are, we mentally take all your words turn them into a great big "bird" and tell you right where you can put all those opinions.At least I do!
There's another reason I love to smoke. It's irrational, and immature, you will probably think I've lost my mind. In my previous post, I talked about giving up all my wild crazy partying days and stepping into the role of the mature responsible adult. I wake up at 5, go to work, pay my bills, clean my home, cook my husband dinner, mind my Ps and Qs, treat everyone kindly and with courtesy. I don't drink, don't party, don't flirt with other men. I'm an honest, law abiding, do-gooding citizen...I live the life of a perfectly respectable adult.
And guess what... it's BORING. There! I said it! It's BORING. A lighter and pack of cigarettes have been the last strands of rebellion I've had as I've transitioned between adolescence and adulthood. It's the only socially acceptable means I have of stamping my feet and saying, "YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!!!" And the fact that everyone says it's bad for me has made it so deliciously sweet.
So I've given all these reasons to explain why I love to smoke. But there is one reality that is overriding everything else...these cigarettes are going to kill me. I want to still be flippant and not care. I want to toss off the knowledge, grab my coat, and run outside to smoke 3 in a row. But this rough bout of pneumonia has shown me that I'm not invincible. And smoking for the sake of rebellion is not worth losing a lung, or worse, my life.
The decision to quit smoking, has been almost as difficult as the decision to end a bad relationship. I'm ending an era of my life, one that was full of great friends and experiences and turning in my last ticket to irresponsibility and frivolity. The hardest part is knowing that I have to go back to work in a week. I'm not looking forward to it. I don't want to hear the smug congratulations from the non-smokers who have pestered me for the past 2 years. I don't want to see the knowing looks on their faces when they find out I've been out with pneumonia. I'm not looking forwards to sitting inside my tiny cubical for 9 hours on end without sunlight or fresh air. And how will I make it without seeing all my 'friends' during our short 7 minute breaks?
I know this is the Nicotine-Craving Monster talking, and not the real me. But we been joined at the hip so long it's hard to tell where she stops and I begin. Prayers UP! Because I REALLY don't want to do this!
Common sense tells us that smoking is bad. Smokers are surrounded by influences that tell us daily that we should quit. We hear it constantly from friends, family, coworkers, people on the street, random strangers (who think we genuinely care what they have to say), mainstream media, etc. But we rarely listen. Why?
Because people who love to smoke literally LOVE to smoke. I wish every day that smoking wasn't bad, because I enjoy it so much. Do I stink? Sure. Does it ruin my teeth, skin, and nails? Yep! Do I get that scratchy smokers voice? Absolutely! Deep down, do I care? NOPE.
Being a smoker opens up social outlets that are closed to non-smokers. We get together at bars to unwind and have a drink. We shoot pool and talk strategy in between long, luxurious puffs. We escape together periodically throughout the day to complain about work, talk about our lives, or just mellow out and enjoy the moment. Some of the best relationships I've ever made were forged around the smoky embers of an ashtray.
Those of you who are non-smokers cannot possibly begin to imagine why we smoke and why, when you all begin to rant and rave and rag on us about how stupid we are, we mentally take all your words turn them into a great big "bird" and tell you right where you can put all those opinions.At least I do!
There's another reason I love to smoke. It's irrational, and immature, you will probably think I've lost my mind. In my previous post, I talked about giving up all my wild crazy partying days and stepping into the role of the mature responsible adult. I wake up at 5, go to work, pay my bills, clean my home, cook my husband dinner, mind my Ps and Qs, treat everyone kindly and with courtesy. I don't drink, don't party, don't flirt with other men. I'm an honest, law abiding, do-gooding citizen...I live the life of a perfectly respectable adult.
And guess what... it's BORING. There! I said it! It's BORING. A lighter and pack of cigarettes have been the last strands of rebellion I've had as I've transitioned between adolescence and adulthood. It's the only socially acceptable means I have of stamping my feet and saying, "YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!!!" And the fact that everyone says it's bad for me has made it so deliciously sweet.
So I've given all these reasons to explain why I love to smoke. But there is one reality that is overriding everything else...these cigarettes are going to kill me. I want to still be flippant and not care. I want to toss off the knowledge, grab my coat, and run outside to smoke 3 in a row. But this rough bout of pneumonia has shown me that I'm not invincible. And smoking for the sake of rebellion is not worth losing a lung, or worse, my life.
The decision to quit smoking, has been almost as difficult as the decision to end a bad relationship. I'm ending an era of my life, one that was full of great friends and experiences and turning in my last ticket to irresponsibility and frivolity. The hardest part is knowing that I have to go back to work in a week. I'm not looking forward to it. I don't want to hear the smug congratulations from the non-smokers who have pestered me for the past 2 years. I don't want to see the knowing looks on their faces when they find out I've been out with pneumonia. I'm not looking forwards to sitting inside my tiny cubical for 9 hours on end without sunlight or fresh air. And how will I make it without seeing all my 'friends' during our short 7 minute breaks?
I know this is the Nicotine-Craving Monster talking, and not the real me. But we been joined at the hip so long it's hard to tell where she stops and I begin. Prayers UP! Because I REALLY don't want to do this!
The CREATION of the Nicotine-Craving Monster
Note To Reader: I very much enjoy the use of etc dots and the word 'AND'. If you are bothered by that, then this is NOT the blog for you!
Once upon a time, I was a perfect little angel (mostly). I was a good student, good daughter, good friend, good girlfriend, good Methodist, good...good...good...
And then came college, and boys, and alcohol, and...well, you get the idea. I went a little crazy for exactly 6 months. My parents found out, and all the raging fury of hellfire and damnation came raining down into my life...and I was a good girl again! I walked the straight and narrow (mostly).
The next part is long and messy, so here's the short version:
*Met a boy
*Got married
*Wished I hadn't
*Started partying again
*Discovered SMOKING!!! HOLY COW IT WAS FUN!!!
*Filed for divorce
*Kept SMOKING!!!
*Divorce finalized
*Still SMOKING and loving it!!!
And then came college, and boys, and alcohol, and...well, you get the idea. I went a little crazy for exactly 6 months. My parents found out, and all the raging fury of hellfire and damnation came raining down into my life...and I was a good girl again! I walked the straight and narrow (mostly).
The next part is long and messy, so here's the short version:
*Met a boy
*Got married
*Wished I hadn't
*Started partying again
*Discovered SMOKING!!! HOLY COW IT WAS FUN!!!
*Filed for divorce
*Kept SMOKING!!!
*Divorce finalized
*Still SMOKING and loving it!!!
(GASP....Big breath...Okay, we can continue...)
*Met new man, Paul (he LOVED smoking too!!!!!) = Match made in Heaven!!!!!
*Quit drinking, partying, and all the other rebellious stuff that goes with it
*Kept SMOKING!!!
*Became a responsible adult, got married again, graduated college, got an amazing job
*Kept SMOKING!!!
*Got new vehicles, went on a cruise, went back to grad school, bought a new house
*STILL SMOKING!!!
So what is the point of all this? The point is that 2 days ago I found out my best friend, who is only 28, has emphysema. On top of that, yesterday I found out that I have pneumonia!!!!! For the first time in over 6 years, I have tangible proof that smoking is really going to destroy me. And it scared the crap out of me! So now me, my husband, and our friend are all tackling the task of quitting once and for all. We've tried in the past and always failed, we'll see how it goes this time around.
This blog will be my outlet for all the randomness I deal with throughout this experience. Most of it will be humorous, and if you do get a chuckle from anything I write, odds are that it will be at my expense. :)
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