Loving: Merging in Traffic

I have successfully gone 1 month without smoking.  My brain still isn't fully functioning and  my husband and I are still fussing like cats and dogs.  But somehow we are keeping our sense of humor and we're getting by.  Tonight we went out to dinner at Olive Garden.  The meal lifted my spirits to the point that I was in pure, simpled out giddiness.   On the way home, the following occurred, and it still makes me laugh just thinking about it.

As my husband was accelerating down the access road he said, 

"Quick, tell me if I'm clear!"  

I spun around in my seat, saw that no one was in the merging lane on the highway  

for at least a mile and said, "YOU'VE GOT THIS!" with entirely too much enthusiasm.  

My husband began to stammer, as he was merging into the lane, "Buh...Wha....Uhhh...WHAT?  You've GOT this????  What does that MEAN?!?!?! SERIOUSLY!  WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???"  

I was laughing so hard I couldn't even speak. We did eventually make it on the highway.

  

A few minutes later we exited and, as we pulled up to a stoplight, my husband looked at me sternly (because I was still giggling) and said, 

"'You've got this'...REALLY???" 

I'd love to say this is was an isolated incident, but alas, I've been like this far too much lately.

 PS.  Shortly after saying "YOU'VE GOT THIS", I may or may not have hollared out "Leee-royyyy Jeehn-kins" before bursting into laughter.

PPS.  Only gamers and their significant others will understand the true awesomeness of that last statement. 

Creating a Home We Love to Live In!!!

This is a teaser post to get you primed and ready for the super amazing post that's to follow.  That is, if I can ever get my camera to cooperate!

Here's the scoop:  last weekend we decided to do a quick renovation on our bedroom.  It took 4 trips to Lowes, 2.5 days, 1 wall repair kit, 2 buckets of paint, 10 outlet covers, 1 duvet cover, 1 set of custom fit wood blinds, a LOT of painters plastic, and about 3 mini-meltdowns...but we finally got it done...sort of. 

This was the first collaboration between my husband and I on home decor.  Typically, I pick out the colors and he tells me where it should go.  We've worked that way for 5 years and it's worked well. 

This time we decided to have equal say in the process from start to finish.  Initially, all we were going to do was paint the room.  Then we opted to get new window treatments and touch up a few other things while we were at it.

So, I'm sure you are wondering, where did this go wrong, what is she leading up to?  How did paint and some curtains turn into a full out remodel?  

Well, I'll tell ya.  We started this little project on Friday night.  On Sunday night, we cleaned up our mess, pulled out all the painters plastic, and shoved the furniture back where we wanted it to go.  That's when the meltdown began.

One half of the room was exquisite.  It was light green and airy, with dark, sultry furniture.  It said, "Elegance and sophistication".  The other half of the room was dark green, with wood trim, wood blinds, white chunky furniture and screamed "MOUNTAIN MAN". 

I'm not kidding, and I'm not exaggerating.  Our bedroom had a split personality!  I started to moderately hyperventilate and freak out.  I was not a happy girl.

It took two days, 4 stores, and a lot of alone time with our colors, but I FINALLY found a happy medium between the two extremes.  The room has a very bright, yet earthy, feel with lots of textures and contrasting colors.  We've got 3 variations of sea foam green (from incredibly pale to super dark), and 4 colors of brown: beige, tan, wood, espresso.  The room finally looks warm and inviting.  We still need a light fixture, and we've decided to paint all of the trim and doors.  I don't have good pictures yet.  The lamps in the room do not work well for capturing the tones of green in the room.  I have a teaser pic of some of the different elements we've thrown together.  Keep in mind, the colors are much brighter than the pics, but at least it's a start.  

I'm off work tomorrow!  Hope everyone has a great Friday!

Living Free

Well, it's 10:38pm!  That means I've officially gone 3 weeks without having a single, solitary puff on a cigarette.  (I did stand downwind from Paul one afternoon and breathe deeply...does that count?)  It hasn't been absolute torture, but it hasn't been easy.  Strangely enough, the worst cravings didn't hit until last night and this afternoon.  And let me tell you, they were ROUGH.  I suffered through it, drank LOTS of water, and managed to ride them out. I have to confess I did partake in a little retail therapy to help ease the pain (more on that in my next post).

So, I've gone 3 weeks.  I smell better, my bank account is happier (well, until I went shopping, again, more on that later), I no longer have the terrible pneumonia cough, I don't get twitchy every 1.5 hours....  That's about it for the perks.  As far as the drawbacks go, being a non-smoker is BORING.  I sit in my little cubicle 9 hours a day and it's really starting to get to me.  One hour runs into the next and at some point I've lost all track of time.  Or, I find myself making up excuses to run down the hall, or stop to talk to so-in-so, or I go to fill up my coffee.  While the excuses help pass the time, they do little for my productivity.  I'm working on that.

As I said, the worst part about not smoking is the boredom.  Not because I'm the type of person that needs to be constantly entertained, but because I'm the type of person who EATS when I get bored.  Not bueno.  Since Thanksgiving I've packed on 7-8 pounds and I'm pretty sure most of it is right on my gut!  That means that my fat jeans all fit again, and I'm miserably bloated. I finally curbed my eating toward the end of last week, but I still feel like it's out of control.  I make a point to step out and walk for 20 minutes every day at work, but I have no energy left to exercise when I get home. I expected to bounce back from this bout of pneumonia with no issues, but it seems I am just EXHAUSTED all the time.  The fact that I'm even awake right now is impressive. I'm about 1 click away from signing up for Weight Watchers again.  It's been too long since I've been to the gym, but my workout buddy moved away and I've lost my motivation.  I'll get this under control soon, but this transition is the pits!

Quick sum up on life so I can go to bed:

• My hubby starts his new job on Monday.  WOOHOO!
• The cats are driving us crazy, as usual
• We did a little interior decorating on our bedroom.  Began as an awesome project, turned into a mild disaster, but I think I may have straightened it all out. (That goes along with the retail therapy blog)
• I finally finsihed my statement of goals and submitted it.  It's poorly written, but at least it's DONE!
• To celebrate my new beginning as a non-smoker, and because I've been growing my hair out for the past 6 months and was sick and tired of feeling 'vanilla'...my hairdresser and I decided to have a little fun.  That's right...RED.  (For the record, I don't like this pic at all...but it's the best I've got! )

So here's to new beginnings!  Have a terrific Thursday everyone!

Creation: Statement of Goals

I just completed my first semester in the MBA program at WT (with a 4.0...go me! ).  These were the first business-related classes I have ever taken, and to be honest it was an experiment to see if I would be interested enough in the content to pursue a business degree.  I was astonished to discover that...I love it!  Last semester I took economics and financial planning, and my next classes are management and marketing. 

But there is a snag.  At the beginning of last semester, the department asked me to get my resume and statement of goals together to complete my admissions packet.  The admissions committee will meet any day now, and my statement of goals is not complete!!!  I've hit a mental block, and try as I might I cannot seem to get around it.  

These are/were my goals, but I can't really submit them to the admissions committee:

1. When I grow up, I want to be tall.  (Well, that obviously didn't happen!)
2. Get a degree.  (check)
3. Find a job.  (check)
4. Keep that job. (Working on it)
5. Get a car that won't break down every 2 months. (check)
6. Get a house. (CHECK!!!)
7. Keep said job so that I can keep the house and the cars!!!!!!!!!  (WORKING ON IT!)
8. Make myself so valuable to the company they will never get rid of me (This is where the MBA comes in handy.  I'm pretty sure this will also require super powers...still working on that!)
9. Provide a safe and stable home to raise a family in. (Working on the first part, no one get excited about the second part!  Not gonna happen for at least 2 more years!)

So, as you can see, these are all PERSONAL goals.  None of them says what my career goals are except #8, and those are mostly narcissistic.  LOL. 

I was finally able to get 2 paragraphs down on paper, but now I'm stuck again.  I feel like a mentally-impaired, illiterate cave man!  I can save a bunch of money by switching to GEICO, but I can't seem to write a simple statement of goals!   Think I'll go watch some SVU and mellow out.  

FYI, the nicotine-craving monster would just push through and get this thing done!  Type a sentence, smoke, type a sentence, smoke, type a sentence,.....   I'm having to learn how to be brilliant w/out cigarettes.  I think they may have been the secret to my success! :)

Y'all have a wonderful night!

LIVING as the Nicotine-Craving Monster

(Te he he...did you catch my nice little play on words there? It's the small things in life that make me happy:)

How does the Nicotine-Craving Monster live without cigarettes? Well, lemme tell ya, it SUCKS. My husband, Paul, is quitting too. For the record, it is never advisable for someone to quit smoking when their spouse has pneumonia!!!!!

He is horrendously cranky this week, and I'm horribly sick. Combined, this translates to: (1) I ask for something, (2) he snaps at me, (3) I get pissed! (Or vice versa) The next thing I know we are approaching World War III, and a coughing fit hits me. I can't tell you how many times I've found myself curled up in the fetal position, stripped of the opportunity to give Paul the "telling off" of the century! We've gotten upset about things so trivial I can't even remember what they are.

Is Paul a horrible person? Nope. Am I the whiniest sick person on the planet right now? Nope. Will you be able to convince either of us that is actually true for at least 2 more weeks? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

I have alot of these coughing fits. Curling up in the fetal position really is the best way to ride them out. Sometimes they last for 5 minutes or more. And every single time one ends I think "Wow, that was AWFUL. I want a cigarette!!!!!". There ya go, people. The great thought processes of a Nicotine-Craving Monster!  Obviously, I'm not giving in to the craving.  I have no desire to end up in the hospital.

By the way, it's New Year's Eve! Wishing everyone a wonderful, prosperous, and blessed 2012! (I'm going to go cough and feel sorry for myself some more;)

The LOVE of the Nicotine-Craving Monster

The decision to quit smoking is difficult, but why?

Common sense tells us that smoking is bad. Smokers are surrounded by influences that tell us daily that we should quit. We hear it constantly from friends, family, coworkers, people on the street, random strangers (who think we genuinely care what they have to say), mainstream media, etc. But we rarely listen. Why?

Because people who love to smoke literally LOVE to smoke. I wish every day that smoking wasn't bad, because I enjoy it so much. Do I stink? Sure. Does it ruin my teeth, skin, and nails? Yep! Do I get that scratchy smokers voice? Absolutely! Deep down, do I care? NOPE.

Being a smoker opens up social outlets that are closed to non-smokers. We get together at bars to unwind and have a drink. We shoot pool and talk strategy in between long, luxurious puffs. We escape together periodically throughout the day to complain about work, talk about our lives, or just mellow out and enjoy the moment. Some of the best relationships I've ever made were forged around the smoky embers of an ashtray.

Those of you who are non-smokers cannot possibly begin to imagine why we smoke and why, when you all begin to rant and rave and rag on us about how stupid we are, we mentally take all your words turn them into a great big "bird" and tell you right where you can put all those opinions.At least I do!

There's another reason I love to smoke. It's irrational, and immature, you will probably think I've lost my mind. In my previous post, I talked about giving up all my wild crazy partying days and stepping into the role of the mature responsible adult. I wake up at 5, go to work, pay my bills, clean my home, cook my husband dinner, mind my Ps and Qs, treat everyone kindly and with courtesy. I don't drink, don't party, don't flirt with other men. I'm an honest, law abiding, do-gooding citizen...I live the life of a perfectly respectable adult.

And guess what... it's BORING. There! I said it! It's BORING. A lighter and pack of cigarettes have been the last strands of rebellion I've had as I've transitioned between adolescence and adulthood. It's the only socially acceptable means I have of stamping my feet and saying, "YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!!!" And the fact that everyone says it's bad for me has made it so deliciously sweet.

So I've given all these reasons to explain why I love to smoke. But there is one reality that is overriding everything else...these cigarettes are going to kill me. I want to still be flippant and not care. I want to toss off the knowledge, grab my coat, and run outside to smoke 3 in a row. But this rough bout of pneumonia has shown me that I'm not invincible. And smoking for the sake of rebellion is not worth losing a lung, or worse, my life.

The decision to quit smoking, has been almost as difficult as the decision to end a bad relationship. I'm ending an era of my life, one that was full of great friends and experiences and turning in my last ticket to irresponsibility and frivolity. The hardest part is knowing that I have to go back to work in a week. I'm not looking forward to it. I don't want to hear the smug congratulations from the non-smokers who have pestered me for the past 2 years. I don't want to see the knowing looks on their faces when they find out I've been out with pneumonia. I'm not looking forwards to sitting inside my tiny cubical for 9 hours on end without sunlight or fresh air. And how will I make it without seeing all my 'friends' during our short 7 minute breaks?

I know this is the Nicotine-Craving Monster talking, and not the real me. But we been joined at the hip so long it's hard to tell where she stops and I begin. Prayers UP! Because I REALLY don't want to do this!

The CREATION of the Nicotine-Craving Monster

Note To Reader: I very much enjoy the use of  etc dots and the word 'AND'.  If you are bothered by that, then this is NOT the blog for you!

Once upon a time, I was a perfect little angel (mostly). I was a good student, good daughter, good friend, good girlfriend, good Methodist, good...good...good...

And then came college, and boys, and alcohol, and...well, you get the idea. I went a little crazy for exactly 6 months. My parents found out, and all the raging fury of hellfire and damnation came raining down into my life...and I was a good girl again! I walked the straight and narrow (mostly).

The next part is long and messy, so here's the short version:
*Met a boy
*Got married
*Wished I hadn't
*Started partying again
*Discovered SMOKING!!! HOLY COW IT WAS FUN!!!
*Filed for divorce
*Kept SMOKING!!!
*Divorce finalized
*Still SMOKING and loving it!!! 

 (GASP....Big breath...Okay, we can continue...)

*Met new man, Paul (he LOVED smoking too!!!!!) = Match made in Heaven!!!!!
*Quit drinking, partying, and all the other rebellious stuff that goes with it
*Kept SMOKING!!!
*Became a responsible adult, got married again, graduated college, got an amazing job
*Kept SMOKING!!!
*Got new vehicles, went on a cruise, went back to grad school, bought a new house
*STILL SMOKING!!!

So what is the point of all this? The point is that 2 days ago I found out my best friend, who is only 28, has emphysema. On top of that, yesterday I found out that I have pneumonia!!!!! For the first time in over 6 years, I have tangible proof that smoking is really going to destroy me. And it scared the crap out of me! So now me, my husband, and our friend are all tackling the task of quitting once and for all. We've tried in the past and always failed, we'll see how it goes this time around.

This blog will be my outlet for all the randomness I deal with throughout this experience. Most of it will be humorous, and if you do get a chuckle from anything I write, odds are that it will be at my expense. :)